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[08 Sep 2005|02:33pm] |
My uncle sent this to me and I laughed so hard that I had to share it. My coworkers didn't appreciate it as much I hope y'all will.
A man who just died is delivered to the undertakers wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The undertaker asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.
The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the undertaker a blank check and says, "I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing."
The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly. She says to the undertaker, "Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?" To her astonishment, the undertaker presents her with the blank check.
"There's no charge," he says.
"No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue
suit!" she says.
"Honestly, ma'am," the undertaker says, "it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice.
"So I just switched the heads."
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[04 Oct 2004|11:24am] |
Friday after work I went back to my car at the park and ride at Monroe and Congress only to find that someone had broken into it, stolen the faceplate off my stereo, destroyed the rest of my stereo while attempting (and failing) to steal it, and stole a pack of cigarettes out of the glove box. Considering that they didn't touch my cds or anything in the back seat (clothes, books, etc), I am assuming that they were thwarted by some passerby. If any of you know anyone who was at Monroe and Congress on Friday between 10:15am and 6:15pm who may have seem something, please let me know.
After the lurker in my back yard, the creep in my front yard, and then the car wreck, this was the last thing I needed. The cops did get some good fingerprints though, so hopefully in a month or so when a detective actually gets the case, they will catch someone. It would be nice to apprehend at least one person out of the past 4 that have violated my privacy, safety, and personal sense of security.
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[22 Sep 2004|02:44pm] |
Dear Girly-Girl Friends,
Please help me find a hot little number to wear to Rebekah and Michelle's weddings. I don't know the first place to look. Please suggest awesome websites and stores to go to for reasonably priced dresses.
Thanks,
Fashion Retard
aka: Em
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[17 Sep 2004|05:01pm] |
So I need a new car.
I want one of the following:
Honda Civic Hatchback
Subaru Outback Sport (or any Subaru wagon)
Saturn SL2 like my old one or a wagon
If you know of anyone with one of the above from the mid to late 90s for under $5000, please let me know.
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[16 Aug 2004|05:00pm] |
I am desperately searching for a new stable to move my horse to, but am having a hard time finding a place I can afford. If you know of anyone who has a horse, please put them me touch with them to help me find a place to move my horse to.
Here's what I need:
Full Care Pasture (or Stall) board for up to $300/mo
Focus on Combined Training/Eventing/Dressage
Dressage Arena
Jump Arena
Tack Room w/ lockers
Relaxed Atmosphere
Round pen optional
Right now I have him at a Hunter/Jumper barn with one arena, temporary fencing that is always falling apart, and kleptomaniacs everywhere who have stolen my halter, bridle, and some of my grooming supplies. You can see why we need a new place.
Thanks for your help!
Emily
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[23 Apr 2004|01:30pm] |
Post a memory of me in the comments. It can be anything you want.
Then post this to your journal and see what people remember of you.
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[17 Mar 2004|09:36am] |
CUCARACHA DOMINO NIGHT
STARTS NEXT
TUESDAY, MARCH 23RD, 6:30PM @ CUCARACHA!
SIGN UP AT THE BAR OR EMAIL ME YOUR CONTACT INFO @ CARBONROBOT@HOTMAIL.COM
BE READY TO DEVOTE 4 CONSECUTIVE TUESDAYS TO THE TOURNAMENT...IF YOU'RE DECENT ENOUGH TO STAY IN THE RUNNING THAT LONG.
BRING A SET OF DOMINOES AND A PARTNER.
HAVE AN EXTRA $5 WITH YOU. NO REASON. DEFINITELY NOT FOR GAMBLING.
C'MON BITCHEZ, LET'S THROW SOME BONES!
406 E 6th Street.
$1.50 Lone Star Pints
$2.50 Draft Pints
$3 Bloody Marys
Drink Specials TBA.
Don't worry about not being a pro. None of us are.
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| ATTN: SAT NIGHT MUGGING/SHOOTING |
[10 Mar 2004|01:46pm] |
Please help catch these guys!
My co-worker’s brother was mugged by 2 guys Saturday night (Sunday morn) around 2am near La Zona Rosa. He put up a fight, one of the guys shot him in the face, and then both guys ran off. On his way to the hospital, he spotted the guy who shot him in the street, evidentally having just been hit by a car. He called the police to report everything, but by the time they got to the scene, the guy was gone. The police said they put out an alert to all the hospitals, but no one fitting the shooter’s description or injuries came in.
He said the 2 guys had shaved heads, tattoos, and steel toe boots. One was about 5’7”-9”, and the other (who shot him) was about 6’1”. The taller one most likely has a broken leg and/or arm and lacerations from getting hit. If you have heard anything or seen anyone like this, please let me know. The police have done next to nothing to find these guys.
Please repost this message in your journal!
Thanks!
Emily
carbonrobot@hotmail.com
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[12 Feb 2004|04:43pm] |
RULES:
1. Put your birth month in an entry.
2. Strike out anything that doesn't apply to you.
3. Bold the four that best apply to you.
4. Put all twelve months under a livejournal cut.
FEBRUARY:
Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislike unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizing dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.
(I put 5 cause one was only part of one of the sentences.)
( chop chop )
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[28 May 2003|01:55pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 drained |
] |
So here I am, writing up cover letters for job applications, and a friend IMs me this:
"in othger news, i found out that bitch that threw a beer on chucks lj name is CARBONROBOT and that at some party last night she was afraid i was going to show up and kick her ass so she brought some fat ass lesbian bitch with her. rad. she has become suprtisingly easy to trach down. in a matter of talking to like 2 ppl i have found out about her lj, stuff about her, and where she lives. jsut call me sherlock holmes bias. ok im out until later."
My GOD! I didnt throw the beer. I was surprisingly polite to her. I didnt bring my "fat ass lesbian bitch" friend (who is about 100 pounds and 5'2") to protect me, I went with her cause we'd had plans all week to hang out. I did crack a joke about her being my bodyguard if anybody started shit with me, however the fact that she is so tiny made it rather obvious that it was a joke.
I have made it blatantly clear that I have no shit with this girl or her boyfriend. A drunk I know threw a beer on her boyfriend after I told him the guy was rude to me. I had asked that girl if she knew the guy next to her and if she'd mind if I tossed my beer in his face since he was being an asshole, but I backed off after I found out that he was her boyfriend, because she seemed cool, (and I had a feeling it was the beer and whiskey telling me to do it, which have never led me well in situations such as that). My wasted-ass friend insisted on doing it because he "thought it would be funny". I told him to make sure not to fuck with her, since she seemed nice, but that I didn't give a shit what else he did.
How in the world has this been blown so far out of proportion? Especially with someone trying to track me down when I did nothing. Hell, I'll even apologize for what I didn't do, if it will make this drama end. I've got enough shit going on, and this is just absurd. I've blown things out of proportion before, but shit...
Now I'm getting back to the job search and putting this shit behind me. This is my public statement. I've got no beef with anyone. I did nothing. And I apologize for any actions which may have been misconstrued to have been masterminded by me, but I didn't do anything or have a say in anything that happened. If anyone still wants to track me down, have at it; I'm not hard to find. But this is the last I have to say on the matter.
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[09 May 2003|05:37am] |
POST IN MY JOURNAL YOU ASSHOLES!!!!
I FEEL LIKE I AM UNLOVED WITH NO RESPONSES!
I SHALL SMITE THEE!
i mean, i'm lonely and no one loves me.
please post.
sniffle sniffle
SOOOOOBBBBBBBBB
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| spent the day making a diorama, now i have diarrhea |
[08 May 2003|11:42pm] |
WHOA!
i just spent an hour catching up on ljs i hadnt read yet.
my night has been BORING.
mike stopped by for a little bit
stella ripped the ears off a stuffed bunny and the nose off a cactus
i ate at the dive mexidiner
i am farting likea stinky madman
i was invited to a *collage party*
i said NO THANKS SUCKA! i made a collage diorama all day
uhm...not much else to report.
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[03 May 2003|08:13pm] |
The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Second Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Take the Dante's Divine Comedy Inferno Test
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[09 Apr 2003|04:15pm] |
Just thought I'd let everyone know that things with Mike are terrific again. Silly miscommunication!
Stella is back home and happy to be here. She's been ultra dependent lately, following me around, sleeping under my chair (like right now), and snarling at whoever comes near me that she doesn't know. THAT'S MY GIRL!
Not much else is going on, I guess. I'm in physical therapy for my knees, hip, and back, and it seems to be helping some. It's nice to know it's just weak muscles causing the problems instead of cartilege deterioration or something like that.
Got a $50 check in the mail today! WOO HOO! For doing nothing. Just for being so cool. Really. I'm not kidding. If you were as cool as me, companies would send you checks for being badass too. Too bad you AREN'T!
Well, I suppose that's it for now. I need to get my shit together for class.
Oh yeah...I saw what some of y'all said the other day. Bravo for standing up for what's right! don, jake, dan, becca...so funny!
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| so i was told... |
[12 Mar 2003|12:07am] |
that i should update more. i replied with, "but my life isn't very eventful."
and yet now i guess i have stuff to say...
blanche has heartworms. stella tested negative, thank god, cause she never would have made it through the treatment. so blanche goes in on monday for her first shot. she cant do anything for a month after that. no playing, running, jumping, getting excited, or anything of the sort. i worry about her, though i know the treatment is better for her. but it was kinda my fault she got them, and if she dies during treatment, it's ALL my fault. i'm happy that stella doesnt have to go through it, cause there's no way she could stay calm for an hour, much less a month. but blanche...she stays pretty calm and all, but she does get excited, and stella doesnt help it...
i'm thinking about moving her to my grandparents house while she's recovering, but i doubt that would help much, as she would be pretty upset the whole time...
anyway, thanks so much to rainbow for all her help. i wouldnt make it through this all with both my girls. and i hope she can help give me some tips to keep blanche as bland as possible.
anyway, thats all of my news.
well, that and THIS THURSDAY IS CLARISSE'S BDAY! come to casino on saturday to wish her a happy bday, or stop by forbidden fruit on thursday and tell her emily sent you.
thanks again rainbow. REALLY! THANK YOU!
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[05 Mar 2003|08:20pm] |
yup...still alive.
moved Zeph. love the new place. nice people good setup.
MISTER BRETT RAMONE JUST MOVED IN! say hi to brett if you see him.
that's really it.
ps. Rainbow, i need to get Blanche's tags from you. and she has another little fatty tumor thingy...
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[28 Feb 2003|07:13pm] |
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found a blind snake in the house.
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[31 Jan 2003|02:18am] |
remember my aunt with brain cancer?
she just died.
just thought i'd let you guys know that i wil be out of town til monday.
hugs and kisses...
ps. im fine..my mom isnt.
xxox em
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[16 Jan 2003|01:42pm] |
hey there, i'm still alive.
been totally nutty trying to get registered for the right classes, dig up money for books, and do all my intership stuff on top of that. sorry if i have been awol here and in everyday life.
anyway, i have a band interview being published in the College Station Scene, and 3 CD reviews in the San Marcos Scene this month (they are both magazines i work on for my internship in addition to INsite)!!!!!!! MY FIRST TIME IN PRINT! also, i am billed as Chief Assistant Editor and Staff Writer in the College Station Scene! talk about fuckin awesome!
in regards to school, i've got some cool classes, and even those not so cool ones are looking to be pretty good.
i'm taking Literature of the 60s as my senior seminar with Doherty (who is AWESOME), and reebokah is in my class. YAY REEBOKAH!
i have German Language: A Historical Perspective with Mark Southern (the most genius man i have ever had the good fortune to meet).
Intro to Bio with the cutest, nicest little asian man with the thickest accent. he is so rad i think i will actually ENJOY science this semester (and i remember all this shit from high school too). however, i think i'm the oldest one in the class, and i see that being irritating, seeing as i sat next to some stupid girl who kept saying "is he even speaking english? how am i supposed to learn anything?". well maybe if you werent so busy being stupid, youd realize that everything he says is on the overhead as our class notes, and that he told us that since he has such a thick accent, he will go slowly and make sure the notes are as thorough as possible.
Then i have self-paced Intro to Phys Anthro, which i should be able to finish by the end of february.
and to top it off...MY INTERNSHIP COUNTS AS COURSE CREDIT!!! fuck yeah! so happy.
Emily will be graduating in May, and expects many many graduation presents, so start saving up!
anyway, i am off to fight a losing battle with the co-op for textbooks...
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carbonrobot's journal
